I often sulk about having to experience a negative emotion because in all honestly the last thing I want to experience in life is any form or variation of sadness. I’d rather experience being haunted by a ghost than sit in the gloomy overcast of sadness. This is also one of the reasons why I find it risky to depend on someone else that is not me. It is so hard to learn to trust a conscience that is not mine.
For every negative experience my default setting causes the emotion to momentarily consume me and I react to with a disproportionate amount of sadness. It’s like a bug that infects my positive outlook towards life which I built over many many years.
But when the dust settles (or the tears dry out) the experience almost always teaches me something. It could be a result of my obsession with trying to rationalize and assign meaning to the things I feel. It is the only way I have learned to sew a wound and move on.
It’s the end of 2024 and I have now realized that not every negative emotion is worth consuming and not all negative emotion can lead me to a closure. Yet I am struggling to implement this learning. I want to hold my guards and remain neutral towards the negative feelings that get to me despite my lack of involvement. For example, I do not want to be affected by things that are beyond my control like if another human being deliberately decides to break my trust or says something that sets off my insecurity. I know that I do not need to react to or rationalize things to which I am not privy. I’m still looking for a method or a hack so that I can practice what I preach.
Anywho may 2025 take my negativity bias away.
No comments :
Post a Comment