2025 felt mature in ways I didn't particularly like.
I turned 32 which felt like the end of my youth. Dating in your 30s sucks ass. I am in a relationship with a good man but alarmingly lonely at the same time. My anxiety for the future is growing bigger and eating up my productivity. I now have zero chances of being someone's first love. This point onwards I know I'll always be a compromise. I think it has sunk in that my peak romance years are behind me. I wonder if I'm losing my bargaining power due to my age or I'm just too tired to find someone who'll fulfil my basic needs.
My relationship with my job has also undergone a big change as I completed a decade of participation. I dont think I have achieved much after all the relentless working. I wish I had planned about my future when I was younger. But then staying in survival mode made it hard to even imagine a future. Maybe I should have worked outside for a decade and then come back to enjoy the slower pace of life in Nepal with a sack of money. Now I'm tired with an empty sack that drags me behind.
Life is dull right now. Two of the biggest departments in my life are not performing well. I did get to travel more this year. Two fully sponsored trips gave me temporary happiness. I also did a lot of shopping to sustain it a little longer.
My resolutions for 2026 are to fix the departments and create a predictable future where I feel safe and progressive.
P.S. I kept my resolution from last year. Minimal crying in 2025.