A  D a y  a t  W o r k

2:35 PM- I was reading the same lines of the Act again and again trying everything I possibly can to concentrate and make sense of each of the words. Suddenly a melodious albeit distant voice singing an old Hindi song filled the room. Just a few seconds later another lesser melodious voice accompanied the former voice. It took me few seconds to realize that tune was coming from my colleagues who were seated in the small semi-soundproof glass meeting room behind me. I continued reading the lines in my laptop with a big smile. Little things like these brighten up my days.

Ordinary Serendipity  

You were one of the many people
I was watching by the lakeside
I watched your shoes as you ate a burger
With a Coke you bought in your backpack
What is he doing here? Where is he from?

My heart was closed when you talked to me
Still closed when we chased the sun on your motor-boat-bike
And in the evening when the sea was hitting the rocks...I freaked out
I was scared my heart was going to explode
Like the fire that was blazing in front of us
I was scared my heart might grow out of its cage.

 Estrangement

This is not the first turbulence. They were frequent but temporary when we were younger. Something is not quite the same though. I have strong reasons to believe that it's lack of our abilities to forgive and keep the love alive. Not ruling out other possibilities but I have been thinking about two reasons why this happens.

ONE- we think adults are mentally and emotionally better than kids. That's why an adult can't do silly things. Any flaw in being perfect by an adult is met with consequences, the kind that poisons both ways. The poison has spread so much that I cannot even tell you this. Can you believe that you used to be the first person I used to go to?

TWO- perhaps our relationship caused us more grief than happiness. In that case estrangement is okay, I guess.

You can proclaim every night in the bed- it doesn't matter, i don't care, im not like the needy people around me. That doesn't prevent any amount of pain you continue to feel. The pain which feels like a million knives stabbing not only your heart but your whole existence. Who will truly accept me if not my own? Who can I count to check on me if not my own? It's a dead-end in the world full of humans. Perhaps I should get a pet.